Jac's final thoughts
by emily welsh
Summary: This is something I wrote the other day. It's my first fic so please be gentle : It's about Jacks final scene


This is the first time I have posted so I'm not really sure what the protocol is. Sorry if I am doing it wrong. I do not own any of these characters nor do I claim to.

Title: Jack's final scene

Author: tumbles7802

Pairing: None

Characters: Jack, Bobby, Jerry, Angel

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine

The whole situation was surreal; like watching a movie. None of my brothers would have been so easily baited and I knew it. The street smart façade that I always tried to put up was obviously just that, a façade. But why had it been so easy? I knew…it's because deep down I think I knew something was up but I didn't care. I needed out of that living room and even more pressing I needed out of the situation that I couldn't change; my mothers death. I wasn't welcoming trouble but to say that I was avoiding it would be a stretch. It wasn't until the man turned around, menacingly raising the gun in my face did I realizes how stupid I was. I realized that I wanted to live and that I had something/someone to live for. Talk about irony…for years I had prayed for death to take me but at that moment I would have done just about anything to redo the last five minutes. I realized too late that I had everything to live for. I was suppose to live to show everyone who had ever told me I was nothing. I was suppose to make it. But nonetheless the bullet tore through my shoulder, dropping me to my knees. Kneeling at his feet made me feel small and fragile…and the pain. I had never been in so much pain in my entire life. Not all the broken bones or bruises could put a patch on it. So many things were going through my mind but at the forefront was my mother. Did she feel pain like this when she died? I couldn't bear the thought of it and I knew that I had to live for her. So somehow I struggled to my feet and ran towards the house. I thought if I could just get to the house, to Bobby, that everything would be alright. That somehow this gaping hole in my chest wouldn't matter as long as I was with him. I never did make it that far, but damn did I try. Laying in the snow, I called out to Bobby. I thought if I could just get my brother outside, somehow everything would be alright. Silenced by Bobbys fevered yell, I let myself settle into the snow. I was laying in the snow with the taste of copper in my mouth, quickly coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to make it. I was going to die right there in the snow. I tried but I couldn't make myself move anymore; my body gave up. I had survived years of abuse to be killed by a stranger. If that's not ironic I don't know what is. There was screaming and bullets flying and all I could do was wait. Wait for Bobby, wait to be saved, wait for one of the masked me to come and finish me off, wait to die. While the cold made me feel like my chest would split in half I was grateful for the numbness it was providing. Feeling the pain would have made everything so much worse, this way I knew I would just fall asleep. I was cold and becoming numb but I wouldn't be feeling pain much longer. For some reason this comforted me. After what seemed like an eternity the gunfire stopped and then Bobby came. He came not long after the numbness kicked in. He had made it in one piece; all my brothers had. They were all safe and at least for the moment nothing could change that; everyone but me. But I guess if I had to choose this is how I would have wanted to go. With the ones I loved around me. I was holding Bobby's hand when I felt it start to happen. I was dying and as much as they had tried, they couldn't save me this time. The helplessness I saw in their eyes was unbearable but Bobby's was the worst. I knew he was already blaming himself. There were hot tears sliding down my cheek and I prayed to every God I could think of to just let me tell them I love them and that it wasn't their fault. I couldn't even tell them all what they meant to me. I wanted to tell them that they saved me from my life before I became a Mercer and from myself. That they had helped turn me from the shell of a person I was to the nearly whole person I had become. I wanted to tell Bobby that of all my brothers, he was the one I cared for the most. That through everything, Bobby was always there to pick up the pieces, my pieces, and put them back together. I wanted to tell Jerry that I forgave him for not being around, both physically and more importantly emotionally. And I wanted to tell Angel that I loved him and that I appreciated his insistence on never giving up on me. I just wanted to express to them all how much I loved them and that they had changed my life. They needed to know that I wanted to live for them. But I couldn't say a word. I was too cold and too weak. So I did the only thing I could; a smiled a sad, knowing smile. The largest smile I could muster. And I tried to fit into it all I wanted to say but couldn't. I wanted them to tell me everything would be ok, even though I knew it wouldn't be. But they were all there, and that's all I could ask. Before I realized it had happened I had already closed my eyes and let the cold take me. Considering the situation, the freedom I felt when I finally let go was amazing. I was free of everything. Of everyone. Whatever you've heard about an out of body experience couldn't come close to the bliss I was feeling. I was immediately was and felt whole. I could see my brothers and the pain they were experiencing but I knew I couldn't help the,; they had to mourn. It was then that I noticed my ma. She had been waiting for me the entire time, watching and waiting. So with on look back at my beloved brothers I took her hand and felt eternally warm.


End file.
